1. “Family meetings” are often mediated by law enforcement officials.
2. You are trying to get your four-year-old to switch to decaffeinated coffee.
3. You text message each other across the dinner table.
4. Every argument finishes as the promo of an episode of “Cops”.
5. The cat is on Valium.
6. In the middle of a family reunion, the FBI cuts the power to the ranch.
7. You have to buy separate Mother’s Day cards for each of Mom’s personalities.
8. You were recently given a reality show on MTV.
9. Bikers next door always complain about the noise.
10. Conversations often begin with “Put the gun down, and then we can talk.”
