#1: Do the work. It takes work and sacrifice to make a happy marriage. Too many people put all the work into the details of the wedding but neglect to put any work into the marriage itself. A happy marriage is a growing marriage, whether you’ve been married 2 or 25 years. Are you still listening to one another? Learning from one another? When you don’t take time to cultivate a relationship, you end up taking that relationship for granted. Sadly, this is where most marriages decline.

#2: Say the words. At least once a day, say something kind or complimentary to your spouse. We all know that words have the power to heal or hurt, restore or damage, build or tear down. But what we often fail to recognize is that silence can be just as harmful as negative words. Often it’s the words we don’t say that leave our spouse feeling devalued or under-appreciated.

#3: Date your spouse. Too many couples stop dating years into their marriage, especially when the years of parenting demand more of us. Guard your Date Night with vigilance!

#4: Don’t let in-laws become outlaws! Finances, sex, and in-law issues are among the top reasons that most marriages fail. God designed you to have your own nuclear family, not live as extended branches of hierarchies. Communicate and set clear boundaries with your in-laws.

#5: Discuss the budget. Financial stress is one of the greatest contributors to weak marriages. Communicate your expectations with money. Talk stewardship principles together. What does God’s Word say about money issues? Get on the same page with your household budget, retirement portfolio, charitable giving, vacation expenses, the kids’ allowances, and college funding. Plan monthly budget conversations in a relaxed atmosphere (perhaps over a nice meal with few distractions as possible). Marriage is a financial partnership—and like any successful partnership of equals, it depends on compromise and mutual cooperation.

#6: Draw up rules of engagement. What are your rules for fighting fair? For example: “we will never bring up…”, or “we won’t argue standing up”, or “we won’t use certain trigger words that hurt”, or “we won’t generalize: ‘you always…’ or ‘you never…’.” Here’s a rule we try to live by: Don’t fight to be “right”, fight for the “win”. Too often arguments only lead to who is right and who is wrong. But conversely, they should lead to finding the best possible mutual “win” in any situation—for your marriage, your children, your finances, and your future. It’s not about who’s right (both parties tend to have right and wrong in them at the same time); the bigger picture is how your marriage and your family can find the mutual “win” in every conflict regardless of who is more right or wrong.

#7: Seek first to understand, then to be understood. Stephen Covey proved to be a genius with this one. It’s one of the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and I believe it’s one of the hallmarks of a great marriage. The Bible says “let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” (James 1:19-20 ESV)

#8: Resolve offenses quickly. Letting issues go unresolved is one of the greatest detriments to a happy marriage. It also gives the enemy a foothold in your marriage: “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.” (Ephesians 4:26-27 ESV) An Old Latin proverb says: “He who goes to bed angry has the devil for a bedfellow; never take your enemies to bed with you.”

#9: Don’t yell at each other… unless the house is one fire. Communicate with your mate the way you would want to be communicated with.

#10: Shred yesterday’s scorecards. The Bible tells us that pure love keeps no record of wrongs (1 Corinthians 13:5 NIV). When you hold on to yesterday’s scorecard you are inviting failure into your marriage. But those who consistently shred those records of being wronged are those who move forward passionately in their love journey. Nothing can conquer a marriage that keeps no record of wrongs. It’s always moving onward in grace. So tear up those scorecards and move forward. A happy marriage is waiting for you there!

The post Rules For A Happy Marriage appeared first on Jimmy Larche.

Wow! Please let that sink in for a moment.

We all want to feel unique and gifted… and we are. We all want to feel like we have something special to offer God and the world… and we do. But the truth is, our gifts and talents, without the basis of deep commitments and sincere devotion to relationships and community, have very little usefulness to God.

There are over 60 “one another” commands throughout scripture: “Love one another”, “accept one another”, “honor one another”, “forgive one another”, “encourage one another”, “bear one another’s burdens”, “confess your sins to one another”, “provoke one another to good works”.

By intentional design, our Creator hardwired us with the need for community and relationships. There are great dangers in going solo with your spirituality. If anyone could’ve done life alone it was Jesus. But the Son of God chose to do life in the context of relationships with others. So must we. The greatest virtues of our Christian faith hinge upon it.

When we say that we don’t need God’s family (the Church) or community with other believers, we are not only deceiving ourselves, walking in spiritual pride, subject to self-serving arrogance and blatant disregard for all that Jesus values and has promised to build; we are also attempting to hijack the greatest virtues of Christianity (these one another virtues), which God designed for the purpose of community. These virtues are meant to give hope to a broken world, but instead get hijacked in the dark corners of isolation.

In Romans 12:9-16 (ESV), Paul says this:

[9] Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. [10] Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. [11] Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. [12] Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. [13] Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.

Above this passage in my Bible it is titled: “Marks of the True Christian”. How accurate that is! So here are some questions for you to ponder…

• Who are you showing genuine love to? V9
• Who are you committed to? In other words, who knows they can count on you? V10
• How does that commitment manifest itself on a regular basis?
• Who are you honoring in your relationships? V10
• How are you serving the Lord by serving others? V11
• Where do you need to be more patient? V12
• Who are you praying for constantly? V12
• Who are you contributing to the needs of, and showing hospitality to? V13

If we want our gifts to matter to God, we must uphold them with the basis of strong community.

You are a person uniquely wired with gifts, talents, hopes, and dreams. But know that all these characteristics have very little value outside the context of relationships. People matter to God. And if we want our gifts and talents to matter to God, we would do very well to use our gifts and talents to intentionally build people and serve others in life-giving community.

Are you doing this?

The post Have you hijacked Christianity’s greatest virtues? appeared first on Jimmy Larche.

Words can be our greatest source of inspiration… our greatest means of motivation… and our most effective tool in reconciliation. They are one of many different expressions of our worship. And yet words can also be the most destructive area of our lives.

James, in essence, says that if we can change our words – we can change our lives.

“For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body. If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well. Look at the ships also: though they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs. So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life…” James 3:2-6

Most everything in our society is dictated by CULTURE, including our lives.

Every society, church, community, business, and people group has a “culture”. That culture is a conglomerate comprised of the collective culture of all its individuals. Companies succeed or fail based on the culture their leaders and employees cultivate. Presidents are elected or ousted due to political cultures and ideological climates that loom over the nation. Marriages rise or fall due to the kind of culture that is created in the home (Respect vs. Disrespect). Children grow up either socially functional or dysfunctional based upon the culture they are raised in. Churches either grow or die as a result of the culture they have fostered. Everything hinges on culture, and cultures dictate the course of society and the world at large.

Think about this: your words create a CULTURE that dictates the course of your life, and promotes a culture of either death or life for those around you. Proverbs 18:21 says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.”

What is your culture?

• Do your words repel people from you, or do they attract people?
• Do your words build people up, or do they tear them down?
• Do your words point people to God, or do they push them away?
• Do your words make people feel blessed, or cursed, after they’ve been in your company?
• Do your words strengthen community, culture, and organization, or do they divide?
• Do your words create a culture of death, or do they create a culture of life?

Ephesians 4:29 says, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”

Can you imagine what every corporation, church, and social group would look like if we all applied this verse daily? Imagine the work that could be accomplished, the businesses that would blossom, the relationships that would be restored, the pain we would spare so many children growing up in dysfunctional homes, the churches that would rise up out of divisiveness and become a unified force of hope for ALL nations.

Our seemingly “little” words carry a powerful punch every day of our lives. And if you want to turn your life around, start with your words and the innermost thoughts that steer them.

Be careful of your thoughts, for your thoughts become your words. Be careful of your words, for your words become your actions. Be careful of your actions, for your actions become your habits. Be careful of your habits, for your habits become your character. Be careful of your character, for your character becomes your destiny. – Anonymous

James reveals that our words reveal more than a tongue condition; they reveal a heart condition.

“From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water? Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives, or a grapevine produce figs? Neither can a salt pond yield fresh water.” (James 3:10-12)

Jesus said “The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.” (Luke 6:45)

In other words, venomous words spring forth from venomous hearts. We need to ask God to take away the root of selfish ambition, pride, envy, jealousy, resentment, bitterness, rage, malice, gossip, deceit, and the spirit of unforgiveness in our hearts. And we need to ask Him to replace it with a heart of forgiveness, love, meekness, edification, kindness, and generous hearts that produce uplifting talk and positive energy through the right words spoken over our lives.

This is God’s covenantal promise to you over your words…

Psalm 34:12-13 “What man is there who desires life and loves MANY days, that he may see GOOD? Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit.” This passage is reiterated by the Apostle Peter in 1 Peter 3:10. According to Scripture, our capacity to experience “many” “good” days here in this lifetime is contingent upon the use and control of our tongue. Is yours in check or is it more like a “little” spark about to set ablaze an entire forest?

Write down an EDIFICATION PLAN. Make a note to remind yourself how you will go about encouraging and building up other people this week. Then watch and see the course of your life slowly begin to change its direction.

I would love to hear your feedback on the action plan you develop!

The post Change Your Words – Change Your life! appeared first on Jimmy Larche.