If we are to follow the life of Jesus, we must rightly respond to the wrongs done to us. If not, we realize that hurt people end up hurting people.
Unforgiveness is really trying to take the easy way out – the path of least resistance. At best, it’s spiritual laziness because it lets feelings rule without being challenged by our real beliefs and the tough teachings of Jesus. At worst, it’s flagrant disobedience to God – a blatant sin that pushes Jesus further away while clutching to the harbors of prideful rebellion. Either way, unforgiveness yields the same bitter results and causes us to pay a terrible price in the end.
Forgiveness is never easy, yet I have learned over the years that it can be appropriated and celebrated more intentionally when I break it down into steps:
1) Acknowledge the pain. Sin hurts. Sin is injustice. It is wrong. It grieves God and us. Own it by acknowledging the feelings you have.
2) Seek grace: ask God to help you by the power of His Spirit to make a real commitment of your will to do His will. If you really want to obey Him, then He will empower you.
3) Ask God to forgive you (for judging them or delaying obedience in forgiving): believe that He has and gratefully receive it.
4) Choose to forgive them: pray it and say it by an act of your will; put your heart in it.
5) Choose to forgive yourself (for prolonging the pain): accept it. Then release the pain.
6) Pray for them – all of the blessings you would like God to bestow on you. Then watch how God returns blessing on your life.
7) Choose to believe God’s promise of redemption over your life (Romans 8:28). Rejoice in it and celebrate it. Now go treat yourself to some ice cream!
At times, nothing can be harder than choosing to forgive. But in the end, there is nothing more liberating than forgiveness. The question is: How bad do you want to be free? How desperate are you to begin a journey in becoming fully alive? This is where God beckons you… where the Spirit calls… and where Jesus walked. Will you follow him?