“No more Mister Nice Guy…” I think Alice Cooper had the right idea!
It is so easy to get caught up in making “pleasing people” our mission in life. Especially those of us who care about others so much. One of the defining marks of authentic Christianity is that followers of Jesus walk in love. But chew on this for a moment: Jesus loved people more than any other human entity in the history of the world, and yet the person, message, and mission of Jesus has “ticked off” more people in history than any other historical figure.
One of the reasons we get tripped up into “people-pleasing” is that we don’t want to be labeled as someone who doesn’t care. But as we learn from Jesus, we see that “people-pleasing” doesn’t mean we are more “loving” people… and contrariwise, it sometimes even means we are NOT loving at all – we are merely enabling people in their dysfunction.
Being labeled as the nice guy doesn’t translate to LOVE in the heavenlies. Sometimes it’s even translated into a much deeper reality of not caring at all (apathy and negligence) – though we try and dress it up as something altogether more spiritual sounding like “compassionate” or “empathetic.”
When in reality, it’s nothing short of social flattery that just wants to be deemed as getting along with everybody.
Healthy, functional parents understand this. If your sole agenda as a parent is to be the nice guy, I will one day be visiting your child in a juvenile detention center via Breakaway Outreach (product placement, lol). Parenting means I have a responsibility to rear my children into responsible adults which necessitates tough love at times which is not always popular with those we love most (our children). Love requires the discipline of doing what is RIGHT even when it makes others feel uncomfortable in the moment.
Jesus always had his Father’s approval at the forefront of his ambition and because of that focus, the man who loved more than anyone in history also offended more than anyone else. He didn’t massage people’s insecurities by placating them with nice words when the truth would set them free. He had their soul in mind, not their feelings.
Every family member, Pharisee (religious leaders), and political zealots in Jesus’ time had their own personal agenda for him. Even his own disciples had an agenda for Him. If Jesus’ goal was to be the “nice” guy, he would’ve appeased them all, consequently reducing his mission and his value to niente (nothing). But because he stuck to his mission, he carried out his love in a redemptive way that valued people more than just pleasing them.
Get this, our incessant need to please people devalues us and it devalues those we are trying to please. It shrinks our personal mission in life and robs others of God’s redemptive purposes in their lives. If Jesus tried to please everyone in his path he would’ve never made it to the cross. Redemption would not be available to us today if Jesus was merely trying to please people. Instead, he zeroed in on his MISSION and brought more value to humanity than he ever would’ve had he wanted to be remembered as the “nice” guy.
If you want to help shape eternity and bring value to people in the world, for heaven’s sake, stop trying to please everybody! Don’t devalue people or yourself by people-pleasing. Play to the audience of ONE. Aim to please your heavenly Father and you will bring more good to this earth than merely being seen as the “nice” guy.
Like Jesus, if you try to please everyone along your path, you will never reach your God-purposed destiny.
1 Thessalonians 2:4 – “On the contrary, we speak as men approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please men but God, who tests our hearts.”
Galatians 1:10 – “Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.”